Nissan Versa Note

'bout time for another post, here it is,

The Nissan Versa Note

(credit: consumerreports.com)

To start, the Versa Note looks like that bean thing in Chicago, with swirly chair casters underneath it. It also appears to be the first car in existance that wears braces. The engine works as well as the body looks.

The engine makes a grand total of 109 horsepower. This is approximatley the power my fingers use to strike these keys to write this sentence. The 109 tired-out stallions reluctantly drag the Note frome 0-60 in 9.9 seconds. According to the interwebs, I can tie a tie faster than the Note can get up to (what you are supposed to do but no-one does on the) highway speed! Moving down the powertrain, the transmission is equally bad -if not worse- than the engine.

One of the two offered transmissions is a CVT. A CVT is pretty much a belt streched between two cones. It, in theory, is a good idea but -rather like a Tesla- it breaks all the time and is much louder than advertised. The 5-speed isn't great, either. Car and Driver said that "[the 5-speed] elicted a distinct 'meh'." The tires that get (barely) spun by the transmission are of similar quality as the rest of the car toaster.

The Versa sits on are Bridgestone Ecopia's all round. They are tuned for low rolling-resistance rather than grip. This makes the Versa run the skidpad at a not-perticulary-great .8 g, and it took a whopping 188 feet to stop from 60 mph.

So, the Versa Note. A silly name, a motorized jelly-bean wearing LEGO® tires and uses a rather noisy method of power conversion.

Do you have any thoughts about cars/cats? What drives you crazy? One post a week so stay tuned!

Kia Sportage

'bout time for another post, here it is,

The Kia Sportage

(caranddriiver.com)

It's a crossover. In fact, it lies about being a crossover. The Sportage calls its bloated hatchback body a "small SUV". The body itself has some major flaws, the most blatant of wich are the fixtures. It has a silly, grinning face, sideways-pupil-goat-eyes, and fog lights that look like Windows logo. The back, at least, looks normal-ish. The engine works just about as well as the body does.

The turbo engine in the SX gets all of 23 mpg on the highway. A Challenger SRT Hellcat gets the same MPG, goes from 0-60 3.3 seconds faster, and is a fire-breathing muscle car desinged to not be eco friendly, just to be fast (yes, I know it is a bit like comparing apples and oranges because the Challenger is a lot more expensive, but COME ON!).

I think the issue at play is that because the Sportage has a large hatchback body made to look like it is an SUV, it has picked up a few pounds. In fact, the lardy Sportage weighs in at a hefty 3768 pounds. A '69 Charger has a curb weight of 3,646 pounds, and I'm pretty sure the General Lee was no featherweight.

So, the Sportage. A face that looks like a Doctor Who monster, an engine that gets worse mileage than my furnace that doesn't move, and, somehow, is a fat car.

Do you have any thoughts about cars/cats? What drives you crazy? One post a week so stay tuned!

New Year's

'bout time for a special post, here it is,

All the Great Cars That Died in 2017

(dodge.com)

Alas, the above Dodge Viper lives no more. The Viper was so special because it had an 8.4 liter V-10, which was the largest engine ever put into a production car since World War II, as well as being a breif respite of K- and P- cars for the Chrysler employees. 


I think it should only be fitting for a Viper to have the Nürburgring lap record for a road car, as a fitting send-off.


(mitsubishi.com)

The affordable, quick, and reliable Lancer is no more. This is especially sad as the fighter-jet, road-going rallycar Lancer Evolution died with it. No more are the days of 303 sideways, giant-spoiler-wearing horsepower converting dead dinosaurs into dust, smoke, and noise. Expect to see it replaced by some kind of crossover.


(public domain)
(This one is actually a Holden Commadore, but the only difference is the badge)

The Chevy SS wasn't loved enough. It was fast, with a top speed of 160, cheap for what it was with a price of $48,000, and powerful, with 415 stallions on tap. Also, it was the Chevy stealth-fighter car. I mean this in that the SS looked like a Malibu, but was as fast as a Camaro.

Honorable Mentions:

The Mustang V6


(cars.com)

The Chrysler 200


(cars.com)


2017 has taken with it plenty of great cars, but also plenty of utterly horrible cars, such as the Mitsubishi i-MiEV and Nissan Juke. Let's ring in 2018 with the hope that it brings some truly amazing cars with it.

Do you have any thoughts about cars/cats? What drives you crazy? One post a week so stay tuned!